Sunday, August 28, 2011

Is the World Still Turning?

Dear Friends,

I'm feeling pretty cranky. This whole Hurricane Irene-thing has been an irritating disappointment. I was promised Armageddon by the "Storm Center" folks across the wide span of cable, Internet and broadcast bandwidth. What we got was drizzle and a shit-rain of blab from cooky politicians making hay by frightening the folks that they work for. The pols promised an apocalypse but failed to deliver more than soggy sneakers.

In my hometown in western Massachusetts, the stores were closed on this Sunday afternoon. The methadone clinics were shuttered. Churches were closed. The streets were deserted. I could not even get a bagel with a shmeer at the local deli. Such a horror can only be measured from the perspective of a New Yorker seeking solace in the silence of the lonely, non-flooded subway tunnels below Manhattan, as he waits for a ride that shall not come by.

The horror. The horror.

On the bright side, insurance rates rose in anticipation of the deluge. The casualty rate from the past two day's inconvenience was only .05% of the number of folks killed in auto accidents on American roads in the same interval. More folks got killed by accidental gun-shots than died in the past two days of non-weather horror. Yes. Look on the bright side! Yes!!! Stay tuned to your local weather. Stay tuned for the commercials from Mannie's Applicances. You may have a chance on a bargain for a new fridge… if you dare to go outside.

Res Ipsa Loquitur,